


i miss the old you

by duaa



Series: the ocean [6]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Overthinking, poor boi virge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:14:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23296843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duaa/pseuds/duaa
Summary: Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he should pack his bags and go home. Maybe he should call someone. Maybe he should go out. Maybe he should get some fresh air. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe he was stuck in his head. Maybe he should see who's texting him. Maybe he should pick up the phone.Maybe.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Sleep | Remy Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders / October | Toby Sanders
Series: the ocean [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1656805
Kudos: 17





	i miss the old you

Virgil stared at his phone, the brightness of his phone was stabbing at his eyes and although it was at its lowest setting, it still stung. He pressed play again, hearing the static start up as his friend’s voice played through his phone speaker. He was so tired. Tired of running. Tired of avoiding Logan, tired of just sitting in his hotel room, or standing along the ocean. Tired of being tired. Sure, the silence and quiet was appreciated, but he was just so… lonely. Alone and afraid. Anytime he wasn’t by the ocean, he was obsessing about his decisions. The endless streams of ‘why’s and ‘what if’s plagued his mind beyond the Sun. He knew no one here, except Remy and Toby. He didn’t want to get too attached too soon - he didn’t need a reenactment of the whole Dorian situation. 

And Dorian.

Fuck, Virgil hadn’t realised how much he relied on his constancy - he had too much before, and now too little. He knew he didn’t actually miss Dorian. Didn’t miss the one man who changed so much, so much that he couldn’t even stand the thought of seeing him anymore. It was Virgil’s fault - he knew that. He knew that people change, he knew it wasn’t fair for him to expect so many things form Dorian. He knew that the Dorian he now knew was the real Dorian; he just didn’t ~~love~~ need that Dorian. It wasn’t fair to anyone. Nonetheless, now Virgil was thrown in a  
new environment, a fresh change of pace - uncertain and dangerous. 

No, the only constant he still had was Logan and his voicemails. 

Suddenly, the phone in his hand blared to life, bursting with the constant _ping-ping-ping_ that meant his phone was slowly receiving multiple messages. Closing his eyes, he sighed, heavy and daunting. He knew that one more voicemail from Logan, one more text from Dorian; and he would go running back, back like a coward. It was too much for him, looking over his shoulder every time he heard a noise, berating himself every opportunity he got. He just wanted peace. He threw his phone under his covers, like the coward he was. That’s all he was, a coward. All he ever did was run - who was he fooling? Anytime anything bothered him just a bit - he put his tail between his legs and scampered off to some place; he put on this edgy attitude, when he was really just the guy who cried himself to sleep because of how scared he was. He tried to plan everything out, and the moment something went a way he didn’t like - he bolted. The only reason he came here was because it had been lingering in his mind for the past few months, it wasn’t as much of a last minute plan than it seemed.  
His phone buzzed again, pressed against his leg. He considered his options, he could -

TRING!

The hotel phone rang, blaring to life from its designated place on his bed stand. And now it was official - Virgil was scheduled for his temper tantrum. The stupid hotel phone was ringing, his own phone was a never-ending cycle of messages and Virgil wasn’t going without a fight. Snatching up his phone, he unceremoniously tossed it on the couch, shoving a cushion above it, teeth barred. For good measure, he decided to kick the sofa - show it what he's made of. 

"AARGH!" 

Excellent execution on his part, as always. He picked the grimy phone, and before the receptionist could get past introductions, he brusquely cut her off. 

"Yeah, no - sorry, wrong number." Cutting the call, he threw the receiver off the table, letting it dangle precariously. Picking up the short, embossed pencil, he flung it at the royal blue wall, seething as it bounced off and rolled onto the carpet. He inhaled, looking around the room - daring anything else to come annoy him.

"Yeah, that's right. Fuck you!” The words seemed to echo around him, as he stared at the sofa. The cushion lay unmoving, and Virgil approached it. As he got neared to the entrance of his room, he could hear people outside his room. Abandoning his pathetic phone, he moved closer to the door, placing a cautious hand on it. The sounds were clearer now, he could hear a door being clicked open. 

“Haha, okay gurl!” 

“See you babe!”

A small crash. A chorus of laughter. A hiccup. 

It was Friday. Needless to say everyone was hitting the streets, having fun - and Virgil was pissing his pants like a kid who didn’t get his chocolate. This was supposed to be freeing, supposed to be peaceful and calming; but all he’d done so far was fuck around and cry. He felt so juvenile, yet so old at same time. Shame filled his veins as he thought about what he just did. He was clearly losing his shit, he just needed to get out of here. Maybe Remy wanted to hang out? Maybe he could convince Toby to join him? Right now, he wanted to just not be alone. If someone else was there with him, he wouldn’t be so caught up in his head. Yeah, that was a good idea. He grabbed his phone from where he left it, opening it fast enough to barely get a glimpse of who was messaging him. As he pulled up messages, he realised it was from Remy. Delighted, (and relieved that he wouldn’t have to start a conversation) he opened them, only for his plan to flop. 

_**Rem:** wyd babe?? cancel all ur plans and get readyyy  
im at ur hotel ; )  
**Rem:** damn they said ur busy : (  
see u tom._

Wow. Great. Excellent. He has successfully ruined another friendship. He freaked out about who the texts were from - just Remy. He was so, so stupid. All of this could’ve been prevented if he’d just looked at his phone. He wouldn’t be here then. Tears welling in his eyes, he shut his phone off and crawled into bed. Turning the lights off, he decided that the best course of action would be to just lay in the darkness, think about what he did, and cry himself to sleep. He could’ve just answered the fucking phone like a normal person and not thrown a tantrum. He was the one who ruined his life - and now he had to bear the consequences. Besides, now Remy thought he was an arrogant prick, and Virgil just lost the one friend he still had.

Maybe he should just go back.

***

**Author's Note:**

> hope you like it! lmk if you see a typo ❤️💕


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